3 Months Home

It has already been 3 months. On one hand, it has gone by in the blink of an eye, but somedays feel like an eternity. Things are getting better. We have even thrown in a few great days since she has been home. The screaming and crying are slowly making way for smiles and laughter. She is turning into a daddy's girl, but has been warming up to me.

We had a wonderful fourth birthday party for her and she absolutely loved it. We have had so many birthdays (Mike, Sam, Karina, grandpa, and me) in the last month, that I seriously think Karina thinks that we have weekly parties around here! She walks around all day singing the happy birthday song. It is really cute.

She had her first trip to the beach. To say she loved it would certainly be an understatement. Sand + Water = One Happy Karina!

Life has been settling down as we all get into our groove. We have had some extremely difficult days, but the light is starting to shine through the darkness. We are taking it one day at a time and that seems to be easier then repeating the saying "it is going to get better." We are starting to see some of her past come bubbling up to the surface. The other day I decided we all needed to get out of the house and go grab a sandwich. I was rushing all three kids out the door and told Karina to go to the bathroom before we left. She immediately started screaming. After probing her for what was wrong, I received my usual response of no eye contact and refusing to speak. Well, I thought if I could just hurry her along and get on the road, she would be fine. So, I insisted she hurry to the bathroom and she reluctantly shuffled her feet to the bathroom, crying the whole way. I started the car and came back in to get her and she was inconsolable. I told her to hurry up and she just slinked into her room and sat on the floor. I told her that the boys were waiting for her in the car and she gave me a very puzzled look. The tears stopped and she said "Karina no stay home?" It caught me off guard. She started smiling and jumping up and down and asked me if she got to go too? Now, I would never, ever, ever leave one of my children home while I drove to get a sandwich. Yet, my sweet little girl has been left alone too many times to count and doesn't know me well enough yet to know that I would never do that. My hear sank and I almost cried thinking that Karina was scared that I was going to leave her home by herself and who knows when she thought I would, if ever, come back. No wonder... No wonder she has such a hard time trusting me. No wonder she pushes me away like she does. I just have to stick in there and show her time and time again that I am here for her always, no matter what. I tell her that after every tantrum she has. When she is calm and listening, I look her in the eyes, and tell her that I love her always, no matter what, I will never leave you. Even though she might not completely understand yet, I know that she will.