Coming Up For Air

Tomorrow will mark our third week home with Karina. It has been some of the most difficult days I have faced as a parent, yet some of the most rewarding. After about two days home, the honeymoon was over and we started to face some behaviour challenges. We expected that this might happen, but it really doesn't make it any easier when you are trudging through muddy waters. She so desperately wants to be loved, but at the tender age of 3 she has learned that she must protect herself from emotional pain and to do that she must not let anyone in.
Who can blame her? We are strangers that came to visit her for a month, then suddenly left with no understandable explanation. It is going to take time for her to truly understand that we will not leave her again. We see the effects of this when she sees Ben and Sam leave and treats their return as a long lost reunion.
Amidst the screaming and crying, we have seen some very sweet moments. Mike and I have come to realize that she so obviously did not receive the nurturing she needed as an infant and is suffering greatly because of that. We have decided to do our best to recreate those opportunities for her in the way we care for her. A good example of this is in naps and bedtime. When placed in her bed, she immediately starts hitting her head against the railing on the bed and rocks herself back and forth, staring out into nothing. She either chants mama or does this rhythmic moan, all in an attempt to self soothe. I am sure that she has done this for a very long time. It breaks my heart to know that there was never someone there to walk up to her and gently caress her head and assure her that everything was okay. So, I rock her in the chair before laying her down. She absolutely fights this effort with crying, screaming, kicking and any kind of other move to squeeze out of my arms. I just hold her as tight as I can, gently rocking, quietly sing a lullaby and pretend as if she is doing nothing. Sometimes it takes a few minutes, sometimes thirty, but suddenly she just melts into my arms. She wraps her arms around my neck, lays her head on my shoulder and almost always tells me that she loves me. Those are the moments. Those are the moments that make all the hard times bearable. Seeing a glimpse under that hard exterior at the child that is hidden beneath.
In that glimpse I see a sensitive soul just craving the love she deserves. In those moments, her eyes brighten and mouth soften into a genuine smile. There she is. There is that sweet girl that has been buried beneath neglect and abandonment. I am determined to do anything I can to peel away each and every layer that has been laid upon her. To help that beautiful little soul emerge whole again.

Pics

Here are some pictures from the first day she was home with her new family. Her new
favorite thing to do is put on her dress-up clothes. She wears her crown most days and would probably prefer to sleep in it if I would let her! She loves taking walks in the orchard and has come to love our dog, Brady.

Things have not been smooth sailing, but most of the issues we have had have been teaching boundaries to a three year old. We have seen our share of temper tantrums in the last week, but have also seen an enormous amount of smiles and skipping. It has been utterly exhausting, but in our quiet moments we gain perspective and realize that she is doing really great.

We took her to her first doctor visit and I was amazed at how well she did. She had five shots, six viles of blood taken, and then drug across town to get an EKG. I think the new sparkly silver shoes she picked out after made up for all the pokes!

Some More Pics

Here are some pictures of our first moments with Karina in DC.

Family Life

Family life is good. Karina has really surprised us by how quickly she has been adjusting. She started sleeping through the night on her first night home and has not had a problem since. We have only had a couple of moments where language was really a barrier, but for the most part it is not a big issue.
She is so chatty. She walks around the house singing russian nursery rhymes. She has become very affectionate with me and is rather jeolous when one of the boys is on my lap.
This will be a quick post as I don't have but a minute before I am called back to mommy duty. I just wanted to let everyone know that we are doing great, fighting a cold, but still doing well. I hope to post more pics in the next few days, so until then, enjoy these few below.
By the way, the first picture is the face I get when she doesn't get what she wants!

Photos

Blessed Beyond Measure

We are home! We have our beautiful daughter in our arms. On one hand it doesn't feel real, but in that same moment it feels as though she has been here forever. Our trip to DC was amazing, actually that word does not even give justice to our experience. God blessed us in so many ways that we almost felt unworthy.

Where to even start!

Well, we received a call about a week or so before we left for DC telling us that we still owed $1700 when we picked up Karina. As many of you know, our costs were much more than we anticipated and we were not going to be able to even cover the costs of our plane tickets for her to be escorted home. Thanks to an anonomous donor, we were able to pay for the plane tickets, but the $1700 was another story. Well, God is so good and He truly has met every financial need in this adoption. We have had a little extra money come in from here and there, someone who owed us a little money showed up to pay us, and then family members that so generously gave us more than they could afford to give. In the end, we had every penny covered. Unbelievable really.

We stayed at an extended stay hotel near the Dulles airport. The staff was so wonderful and we really felt as if we were just staying with friends. They were so excited for us and did everything they could to make our stay memorable. All of the staff pulled together and bought a gift for Karina when she arrived. Each of them went out of their way to meet her and give us sincere congratulations. It really meant so much to us to be able to share that moment with so many cariing people.

The morning before her flight arrived, we had the chance to do a little sight-seeing. We went to the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum. It was a great distraction to make the wait go by faster. The Museum was amazing and we agreed that we have to go back when our kids are a little bigger.

The afternoon finally came and we headed off to the airport. Once we found where we needed to go and saw that her flight had landed I started to get butterflies in my stomach. We stood at the automatic door, holding our breath for the full second before you could see who it was. We stood there for over a 30 minutes, saw so many smiling reunions, and patiently waiting for ours. This was by far the hardest part of the trip. Then, all of a sudden, we recognized a face. It was Svetlana, our escort, and trailing behind her was our sweet little Karina. The moment Karina saw us, she had a very puzzled look on her face as if to say what are you doing here. We scrambled through the crowd and made our way to her. She was so scared and confused. It all happened so fast for her. Within about ten minutes we were standing in the parking lot saying good-bye to Svetlana and on our own.

The noises were so loud, it was rainy and cold, and she knew we were not able to speak her language. She couldn't even look us in the eye, much less let us hold her. She cried for about an hour and then her guard started to come down. Ever so slowly, she started to look at us, let us touch her, and by the end of the night, we even saw lots of smiles. Much to our surprise, she fell asleep for about 4 hours before we headed out early the next morning.

She was a really good traveller. She was not afraid of the airplane and felt rather comfortable. She had to sit by the window and like any other 3 year old did not like sitting in her seatbelt, but other than that, she did great. She was awake all but 1 hour of the trip, so by the time we made it to LA, she was DONE. So, our last few hours were a bit challenging, but I think considering the fact that she had basically been in the air for 3 days she did terrific.

As soon as we landed in Fresno, I asked her if she was ready to meet Ben and Sam. Her eyes lit up and I saw the biggest smile so far. She kept saying she wanted to see Ben, Sam, and babushka. It was adorable. Our homecoming was so wonderful. We were greeted by the boys, my mom, Mike's parents, and Laurel from our agency. Karina got bears, baloons, and a little doll.

By the time we made it home, all three of the kids were laughing and playing as if they had always been together. They played their little hearts out until Karina and Sam fell asleep in the family room. She even slept the entire night!

Today, we had an absolutely wonderful day. The kids are getting along so good. The boys are "showing her the ropes" and she is loving the attention. We spent most of our day playing dress up. At nap time, I had a pink princess and two jedi masters. It was so cute.

For now, I will end this post, but promise to put photos and update everyone in the next day or so.